A trip to the past  / Mom
Reflections on a day to the past….. Was an uneventful flight into Denver. I met Yvonne and Jonas without a problem. We then drove about 2 hours south of Denver to stay with Yvonne’s girlfriend. The original plan was to camp but the weather was not very nic¬¬¬e. Jennys’ house is very nice and looks out onto the mountains. She has 35 acres…not a soul around. We left her house around 10:30 am and stopped in Salidas for a quick breakfast. Then off to The Great Dunes National Park. We were to meet the ranger at 1 pm. And we arrived at just the right time! The weather was becoming more and more ominous. The winds were high and it looked like either rain or snow….probably temp in the mid 50s. The ranger was late to meet us because he had help another ranger who was stuck in the sand. The Dunes are truly awesome and amazing. I hope to go back there in the summer and really explore! So we finally got going …and of course it started raining even harder. We drove to the trailhead ….about 3 miles from the National Park but the road was terrible so we had to drive very slowly. When we started hiking, it was raining but not too bad. Then it stopped. Zapata falls are about ½ mile from the trailhead. It is a steady uphill climb…and very rocky. Then when we were near the falls, the trail became narrow and basically you had to walk in the river. The water was moving quickly and the rocks were very slippery. And it became much steeper. You could clearly hear the falls. And the canyon became narrow with tall walls. There was a sign that a trail was closed. That trail went above the falls. It was very dangerous trail and that is why it was closed. We got to pretty much the top of the river and you had to really go through the water around a corner to see the falls. The rock ledges above the actual falls overhung the river. Even if a rock did fall from those ledges, it would not hit anyone walking in the river…that is how much it overhung the river. But before you get the falls, the canyon walls do not have an overhang. If someone slipped up on top of the walls, rocks could easily fall and hit someone below. But the thing is…NO ONE was supposed (or allowed) to be up there. The trail was officially closed. We took pictures of the walls and the signs. So now my questions were finally answered. I was able to see the last things Alicia saw. And I can now understand how it could have happened. But it should NOT have happened. That boy was not supposed to be up there. And had he simply followed the rules, my daughter would be alive today. I envision that she and her cousins were walking in the river bed. It was mid-July and probably quite hot. I am sure they were playing in the water. The boy who went off the trail was above them and it looked quite dangerous up there. I have no doubt he slipped and as he slipped he accidentally dislodged some rocks. He yelled “rocks!” but there was no way anyone under the ledge could possibly hear him. The falls are very noisy. I am sure Alicia NEVER saw it coming. The ranger said she died instantly. I could see his heart break for me. I feel a certain peace for finally going. I can now see alicia’s last days in my mind. And I can now understand the situation. What to do about the negligence on the part of the other family…well, I am not sure what to do. They are definitely negligent. Their child should not have been where he was and my daughter died as a result of that. Why should I not only lose my only child but have to pay $20,000 in funeral expenses? I guess I have to pray about this. But it should not fall on MY shoulders. And why did the authorities not find that in their investigation? The fact that the young man was off the trail should have been reported. But for the moment, my sadness is contained. Thank you God for letting me finally understand a little about what happened to my precious angel. And thank you God for sending new angels to care for me. I would be lost without all of them…and I can feel them carrying me on this difficult journey. Close

Who Is There?  / Mom (mom)

Who Is There?

Who is there to see me smile?
Who is there to give me a hug?
Who is there to hear me laugh?
Who is there to ask me about my day?

Who is there to hear me cry?
Who is there to encourage me?
Who is there to worry about me?
Who is there to hold me tight?

Who is there to care?
Who is there to give me hope?
Who is there to dry my tears?
Who is there to give me joy?

Who is there to love me?

Who is there for me to love?

You all left me

Far behind

There is no one there

Not anymore

Why?

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Thinking of you today.......  / Debra Reagan Clint's Mom (an angel mother )
Part of Our Hearts Forever


Could we ever forget your sparkling eyes
or the way you brightened each day,
or your smile which is etched in our memories,
so you're never far away?
Could we ever forget those priceless moments?
The answer, of course, is never.
For you were part of our lives for a brief time,
but you'll be part of our hearts forever.


In Memory of Alicia Close

Reality / Mom
Reality

Reality hits hard and has no remorse
It hits you in your gut
And you feel pain you never thought you could handle
It overwhelms you and knocks you off of your feet
You ask “Why?”
Even though you know there are no answers.

Reality kicks you when you are down
You keep hoping that things really are not what they are
And then you realize...yet again…. the truth of what happened
There is no escape
There is no place to hide
Reality finds you in the hidden recesses of your heart
It has no hesitations
It spares you no pain
It hits you hard
It makes you realize you have lost everything that ever mattered to you
And yet, again, you ask “why?”

There are no answers.
Reality rears its ugly head
And it spits at you
It laughs at you
It squeezes your heart
It forces tears from your eyes
And it never ends

It fights Hope
Head on
It twists Hope’s arm
Reality does not want Hope to win
They are at constant odds with each other

Hope fights to win
But Hope has eternity on her side
Hope is stronger than reality
In the end, Hope will be the victor
Faith accompanies Hope…. and arms Hope
With the power to win.
Where is my Hope?
I search endlessly
Only to find empty arms and an empty heart

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Oh, the Lies I have told!  / Mom (mom)
Oh the Lies I Have Told!

No one knows the pain
That lies behind these smiling eyes
No one sees the tears that are
Buried deep within my heart.

Oh the lies I have told!
I am just fine I say.
When the truth is
I can hardly find my way.

While in my heart the pain
Grows and grows and grows
With the emptiness of loss
That no one really knows.

Over and over
They say time will always heal
When in fact,
The pain is still as real.

It feels like yesterday when I heard those awful words
“Today, we lost our little girl”.
I will never be the same again
My life is all awhirl.

In timeless space,
My heart is forever broken
Aching from the pain
With words that are never spoken.

Oh, the lies I have told!
I am just fine…I say
When the truth is
I cannot find my way.

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In memory of Alicia and Kimlan and all lost childr  / Mom
The tape player

The tape player
Plays over and over
In my mind
It repeats the pain
It repeats the loss
The fear rises up yet again
Trying so hard to protect her
Feeling the sinking in my stomach
When I hear the words “we lost our little girl today”
The screams of anguish,
The cries of NO! NO! NO!

The sinking feeling that comes
With the death of your child
Never ends
It comes and goes like the tides of the sea
It washes over your soul and fills
You with an unknown fear
It hits you in the pit of your stomach
And it never relents

I struggle with burying my child
It consumes my thoughts always
A mother should never have to bury her child
And the fear continues to overcome my senses
Panic and anxiety are now my constant companions
Praying for the day that I will once again
Hold my little girl in my arms.

In loving memory of Kimlan and Alicia
And all the children who have died before their time

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Mother's Day 2008  / Mom (Mom)
Mother's Day is a terrible day for those of us who have lost children. This is my story:

This is the weekend Alicia (my daughter) would be graduating from Grad School at U of Co at Boulder. I wrote this poem tonight in honor or her and all of the other moms who have lost children. I would really appreciate it if we could run this poem on Mother's Day. I feel like it speaks to all of us who have lost a child and I would be so honored if you would share it with the world. I have been quiet long enough..time to speak out. Mother's Day is a horrible day for those of us who have lost children..I feel so forgotten and overlooked. I want other moms to know that they are not forgotten or overlooked..that we have children..even though they are angels. They are still our children and we are still moms. I hope you like it..and I expect you will. I think it says it all!

Badge of Courage for Grieving Moms

Such a loss
That no heart should ever know
The loss of a child
It is our soul’s eternal foe.

No one understands
The pain that our heart endures
With the loss of a child
We held once so dear.

When the pain strikes those
Who do not understand
With the loss of a child
We try our best to continue to stand.

Their reverence we have earned
We wear the badge of courage
With the loss of a child
No one should ever judge.

Let the light of our angels
Be a beacon of light
With the loss of a child
To follow within our sight.

We are moms with
So much love in our heart
With the loss of a child
Our angels we will never part.

Let us honor those moms
Whose light shines on and on
With the loss of their child
To win the battle that goes on and on!


My daughter, Alicia Golembeski, was accidentally killed in a freak accident while hiking in Colorado. She would have earned her PhD in mathematics this May if she had not been killed. She was my only child and I feel so forgotten most of the time. I know other moms feel the same way and we should be honored just like those who have NOT lost children. Especially I wish to honor those mothers who have lost children in battle ...the war in Iraq. My heart grieves for those moms as their children have suffered a death just as senseless and unbelievable as my own chld's death. I am just trying to reach out to those moms with hope and to let others understand our horrific grief.

Thank you for listening.
Lana Golembeski

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Alicia's graduation from Boulder  / Mom
It just dawned on me today that this is the weekend I should be out in Boulder with Alicia...celebrating her graduation from grad school at the University of Colorado at Boulder. She should be getting her PhD in mathematics. She should be struggling to find a job. Instead she is soaring with angel wings! Close

Missing Alicia and the promise of hope  / Mom (mom)

I wrote this a few weeks ago:

It is yet another cold blustery day in Minnesota.
As I look out onto the two feet of snow,
I wonder if spring will ever come.
In my eyes, it looks impossible.
How can spring come?
All I can see is snow
and all I can feel is the cold.
And yet, despite all of that,
I know that spring WILL come...
no matter how difficult it is to comprehend at the moment

Isn't our search for hope and joy again
after losing our children much the same?
I sit here and wonder how I can ever find joy again in my life.
Everything and everyone I have ever loved
has been taken from me.
Just as it looks impossible for spring
to come back to Minnesota,
it looks like I will never have joy and hope again in my life.

But just as spring WILL come,
I must rest assured that joy and hope
will find me again some day.
I don't know how or when it will happen.
But I hold on fast to my friends and my faith....
waiting for that day...
when joy will break through the broken surface of my heart
and it will spring anew.


Hope seems so elusive....but holding you close dear...will do my best...FOR YOU!

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A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL  / DIANA(CODYS MOM) CLIFTON (HER MOMS FRIEND )
ALICIA,MAY U FOREVER SEND UR MOM STRENGTH AND COMFORT AND THE GREATEST OF ALL....REASON TO BE HAPPY...UR MOM IS A SPECIAL FRIEND, ONE OF A KIND...AND SHE HAS A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART...AND SEE LOVES AND MISSES YOU, AS I DO MY SON ALSO..HE IS IN HEAVEN WITH YOU, HIS NAME IS CODY...MAY U ALL FOREVER SHINE BRIGHT ON US AND ALL UR LOVED ONES...SEND US STRENGTH,PEACE AND COMFORT...AND HELP US MOVE FORWARD UNTIL WE ALL MEET AGAIN.. Close

Baby I'll take care of you  / Brenda Dailey (Very good friend )
Baby I'll take care of you I'll never let you down
No harm shall ever come to you
As long as I'm around
And you should never have to fear 
What people say or do
The only thing I fear is living here
WITHOUT YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I promise you Alicia untill your mother and I get there to Heaven I will do my best to make sure she is well and holding on..She has helped me so much in my time in need that I know in Heaven there is a cloud that is only for very special people and that cloud is hers..Tell Derek Hello and that I miss him so please..We have such a hard time as you children are in Heaven looking down on us seeing us cry and carry on. But your mother is one of a kind honey and she truely loved you with all of her heart. So if you get the time come down and kiss her while she sleep sok..Love you honey..Brenda and Derel Close

Heartbroken / Mom (mom)
Was thinking of you today...here is what I wrote:

Heartbroken

Alicia is always with me
I can feel her energy

BUT

I just want to see her smile
Hear her voice
Give her a hug!

I want to hear her laugh
To touch her hand

I want to know she is living her life
The ups and downs
The good times and bad times

I want to hear her play her piano
I want to hear her tell me she loves me
I want to tell her I love her
As we always did

I am heartbroken
And always will be
My heart is broken
It will never heal



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Special Angel  / Lucille Cutillo (friend)
To Alicia, May you be at peace. May you have no troubles or cares.
May the Lord's arms be around you in total happiness. 
You do not know me but I have come to know and love your  Mom. 
We have a special bond that will be with us forever.  I feel as if I know you. Please smile down on your Mom and show her signs that you are happy and at peace.  Until you are united together again in heaven!
Love and Bless you Lucille  Close

Thinking of you and your Angel  / Linda~Mom Of Danny DeSantis Jr.

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Remembering your Alicia  / Sherri Bellinger (friend)
My prayers are with you as you remember this day that your beautiful daughter entered into our true home with Jesus.  She is rejoicing with the angels, and wishing for you happiness and peace.  May God's love comfort you on this rough road we all are traveling on.  Lisa will live on in you, in your memories and in the ways you carry on her legacy.  Blessings to you! Close

Thinking of you. I miss stil miss her very much.  / Chris Catone
. Close

Another Day by Brenda Penepent  / Mom (mom)
Another Year
by Brenda Penepent 

Another year has come,
And you, so far away from me now; 
But in my heart still.
Forever, I will hold you close.
Each smile, laugh and tear I’ve cried
A testament to your presence.
I will always love you,
No matter what happens.
Your death can not separate us.
I’m right here, loving you as always.
My heart is true and strong.
I will never forget your spirit.
I am no longer afraid.
To live or die is the same for me.
You are with me on this journey.
I raise your light to the heavens, and smile.

Loving you always dear! May your light shine for me to show me the way! Close

Alicia as the Lord's Angel  / Betsy Kiefer (friend of Lana's )
Alicia, you could not have known your mother's anguish at your departure, yet, you lift her now w/ the levity of the memories you created together. You are in each token of nature's beauty and each rain drop, snow flake and the waving of the meadow grass. I can imagine with the breeze, it is as if the wafting of your wings creates the ripples on the waters, the rhythm of the sway of the trees, and the furling of the flags as they whip and fly in vertical homage. You are remembered in awesome indelible images. To your mother, you are her guiding star, and one day, you will reunite in the home Jesus prepares for those he calls His own. Close

Anniverary Day  / Helen Sjostrom
Today is the anniversary of the tragic accident that took your life.  The loss has left an emptiness in your mother's life that will never go away.  Knowing that you are with her - especially on the golf course - lightens her life.  Keep smiling upon her and we will do our part to give her the support she needs

Helen Close

Alicia's ione year angel date July 22, 2007  / Mom (Mom)
Alicia’s life was truly meaningful to all of us around her! We will all miss her spunk, determination, and love! Let us remember her in celebration for the gift she was to us. Look for her in the setting sun, the stillness of the night, the stars in the sky, the joy of a newborn, a kitten, whatever brings you joy and peace. You will find her there. She is in all of us and I am so thankful for the gift of her life – even though it was not long enough. I have been truly blessed by her presence and love. She has made me into the person that I am today. She is very much a part of me and I will carry her forever in my heart until it is my turn to follow her in her journey.


Alicia would not like us to be crying for her loss. She wants us to be happy and joyful in our lives and to remember her in every way.


I love you Alicia. May you rest in peace and find eternal happiness – my little angel.





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